Not Good Enough
by Fallen Heart
Summary: Post 'But I'm a Gilmore' After the disaster at the Huntzberger's, Rory is convinced she'll never be good enough. But will somebody from her past help her find the right way again? TRORY


Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Amy Sherman - Palladino does.

Pairing: Trory

Set After: But I'm a Gilmore!

Summary: Post 'But I'm a Gilmore' After the disaster at the Huntzberger's, Rory is convinced she'll never be good enough. But will somebody from her past help her find the right way again? TRORY

Credit: Miel (season4.5) , the beta who supported my fanfics. You deserve a lot of 'thank yous'!

Author's Note: I realize this story will seem off now that But I'm a Gilmore has been aired because even I know Logan wouldn't treat Rory this way. I'm a huge fan of his actually; it seems odd ... doesn't it?

I started this story after Pulp Friction was shown so technically this story is an AU, build on my imagination! Enjoy!

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The tears didn't seem to come to an end. Why didn't they approve of her? What was so wrong about her? Before this night, she had not feared she - Rory Gilmore - wouldn't be good enough. Apparently Logan's family didn't like her at all.

She was starting to doubt herself. Would she ever be good enough? No matter how hard she tried to be - would she always be seen as a mistake? Someone who wasn't supposed to have been born in the first place? At least, that was what Christopher's parents thought about her.

Rory didn't want to feel this empty - so heartbroken but she couldn't help it. Logan hadn't done a single thing afterwards; not told that what Shira Huntzberger stated about her wasn't true - it was more like the total opposite.

Her sobbing became rather loud, which she usually would have hidden as much as possible but it was necessary tonight. Her heart was broken into a million pieces; her personality wasn't good enough. It seemed like she lost contact with her whole being. Her body was shaking and it was all because of one evening at the Huntzberger's.

"Are you okay?" A voice began to ask her but Rory didn't have the power to answer.

"Rory, are you okay?" The voice repeated slowly this time around. She wasn't aware of whom it was not, nor did she care.

Suddenly the voice faded away and was replaced by a face - a face from the past.

"Rory, please answer me!" Tristan begged and wished with his whole being that it was something he could do.

"Am I not good enough?" Rory spoke out in a silent whisper.

"Rory, what has happened to you?" Tristan asked and pulled her into a tight hug. It was obvious somebody was the cause of this. But who could possibly have the power to do such harm towards her? After all, Rory was a fighter and didn't take anybody's crap. She was special and different. "Come on, I'll take you home!"

He wasn't even sure if she heard him but when she didn't reply, Tristan decided to carry her from the spot at the bench to his car. Thankfully, it wasn't far to his house.

Forty minutes later, they finally arrived at Rory's house in Stars Hollow. He was lucky he even remembered how to get to the town.

His eyes drifted over Rory's face. There was no doubt she had been crying for a long time. He wanted nothing more than to lift her feelings to him so he didn't have to see her like this.

Instead of waking her up, he decided to carry her to the front porch and prayed her mom would be home. It didn't take long until Lorelai's footsteps could be heard through the front door.

"Who possible can be arriving at this ungodly hour?" Lorelai's voice muttered before she opened the door and Tristan was given a suspecting glare.

"Who are you? What do you think you're doing with my daughter?" Lorelai yelled as soon as she noticed Rory is Tristan's arms.

"I'm Tristan Dugrey, ma'am. I noticed Rory crying on a bench back in Hartford and thought she might want to come home - to you." Tristan informed nervously, he was more than certain that Lorelai wasn't somebody to kid around with - not that he attended to either.

Rory, who had been sleeping until now, became tense once she realized she was in the comfort of somebody else' arms. She pulled herself out of Tristan's tight hold and was met by her mother's curious eyes.

"Babe, what's going on? Is it true; were you crying?" Lorelai asked her daughter with a true concern.

"Mom, I'm ok." That statement was earned a doubtful look from Lorelai, so she added, "Okay, maybe not now but I will be. I just need to talk to Tristan for a moment, ok?"

Lorelai knew there wasn't much she could do before Rory told her what really happened before her arrival so she agreed.

"Thank you for bringing me home, Tristan. It has been a rough night!" Rory was thankful for the fact he brought her home instead of leaving her back in Hartford. She gave him a weak smile and he returned it with a bigger one.

"No problem, I'm just glad I was there" Tristan reached for Rory's hand and squeezed it, before he turned to leave.

"Don't go..." Rory whispered. Her request, almost an inaudible whisper. Her pleading voice was all it took for him to walk back to her.

It didn't take much for somebody to realize that Rory truly was in bad shape - emotionally.

"What's going on, Rory?" Tristan asked and wasn't sure if it was the best thing to ask in a time like this.

"I was supposed to be seen as the bystander- not the girlfriend. Logan's girlfriend. I can't believe I didn't see it was me; they didn't approve of and not Josh." Rory rambled, mostly to herself but it was still able to understand her meaning. "I have always been Lorelai Gilmore's daughter - the tragic mistake that wasn't suppose to exist."

Rory was holding Tristan tight to her, while she cried her heart out. It tore him apart to see her in this state.

"You know, it'll get better. Just don't care about the Huntzbergers! They don't know a thing about you. About your intelligence, how you treat others with respect; even if they don't deserve it. You're incredible. You know that, right? There isn't one thing that is bad about you," Tristan spoke in a firm tone, as he was speaking from the bottom of his heart.

Rory felt a relief to hear somebody say these things about her, confirming what she deep down already knew. She had nothing to be ashamed of. Tristan proved it by speaking in such a confident and loving voice.

It took her four years to see what she always knew existed within him somewhere; behind his name, his charm and cockiness; his heart.

"I don't know what to say..." Rory mumbled with Tristan's arms still around her.

"You don't have to say anything. But for all it's worth, don't ever doubt in yourself again!" Tristan leaned his head upon hers and didn't give any hint he was leaving this position anytime soon.

His arms wrapped around her felt amazing. Rory was amazing. Logan was jerk for letting her doubt in herself this much. Unfortunately, it also told him how much Logan's opinion about her personality meant to her.

He noticed how he really loved to torture himself with these feelings of jealousy. Nobody except Rory brought out that side of him. He hated it too because it made him feel vulnerable.

Suddenly Rory felt Tristan loosing his hold on her and he looked into her eyes. She didn't want him to leave just yet; not when he actually made her forget about Logan for even a short while. She couldn't deny the feelings Tristan awoke in her.

Tristan Dugrey wasn't a guy you'd likely forget. He was one of a kind. She missed their banter sessions since he was one of the few who could keep up with her.

"Why do you let him hurt you? Tristan said as a statement, rather than a question.

"I guess it's because, in some ways, I've always believed he could change," Rory explained and Tristan nodded, but couldn't really grasp why Logan meant so much to her. How could Logan be good enough for her? And what exactly did she see in him that turned him so special? It just didn't make any sense.

"I don't want to leave you but I've got a feeling you need your mom right now," Tristan commented and meant every word. She did need her mother to be there for her.

Rory almost seemed vulnerable by Tristan's words.

"I don't want you to go," Rory whispered and felt like she was about to fall apart once again. For the past hour or so, Tristan had been her safety net and she needed that. She needed him to tell her that she was good enough, even if he already said it. But the main reason she didn't want him to leave was for the fact she needed him.

It had been a time when she felt nervous in his presence. Her nervousness hadn't gone unnoticed though as he once questioned why they couldn't be friends. But since she was who she was back then, she quickly denied it with the fact that he didn't even remember her name.

To say Tristan was shocked, was the understatement of the year. Her words seemed unreal. But it gave him a tiny bit of hope. It proved she did feel something for him at least - so much better than acting like he didn't exist. Maybe he could have a chance with her, when everything between Logan and her was over, if she would give it to him.

"If you don't want me to, I won't. Just say the word."

"Stay," Rory confirmed and her eyes lit up. She turned her steps to the house, but not before she reached for Tristan's hand.

Just a simple hand holding sent tingles through both of their bodies. The connection between them was undeniable but Rory pretended not to notice.

They approached the front door with small steps since Rory wasn't quite ready to face her mom just yet. Tristan noticed though and made it easier for her by opening the door for her, and then it was no going back.

"Mom!" Rory called out as she and Tristan stepped into the hallway.

"Sweets, that was an awfully long time for a goodbye!" Lorelai stated before she noticed that Tristan was in fact still there. The hand-holding didn't go unnoticed either.

"Mom, I don't think I've properly introduced you to Tristan. Tristan, this is my mother Lorelai Gilmore. Mom, this is Tristan Dugrey."

The introductions went rather well, and Rory hoped she was buying some time before she really did have to tell Lorelai about the evening at the Huntzberger's.

"Miss Gilmore," Tristan let go of Rory's hand and brought it forth for Lorelai to shake.

"None of this 'Ms Gilmore' nonsense. It's just Lorelai!" Lorelai accepted the handshake with a tired smile on her face.

"It's nice to meet you, Lorelai," Tristan responded, he now understood how Rory grew to become who she was with a mother like Lorelai Gilmore.

"Ok, babe, let's pretend that I don't know anything about tonight's events 'til tomorrow. Then you need to tell me everything, ok? But for now, I desperately need my beauty sleep," Lorelai yawned and put her own hand over her mouth.

"Yeah, I'm sorry we woke you up."

"No harm done."

"Is it okay if Tristan stays for a while?"

"Sure mini-me. He can stay but don't do anything I would do!" Lorelai commented which made Rory give her a death glare.

"MOM!" Rory groaned before she added, "What exactly do you think of me?"

Tristan admired the close bond Rory shared with her mother. Not many were lucky enough to have that, least of all him. It was nice to hear Rory act like her usual self again, there was no denying in that.

"You didn't have to be anywhere, did you? Because if you..." Tristan placed his finger upon her lips.

"I'm staying, you're not going to get rid of me that easily," Tristan smirked and Rory realized how much she missed his smirks and the annoying attitude. Things were different from the way she used to look at him. Now she could say without a doubt that she sought comfort from him. Everybody around her except for Tristan, was so different from the way they were four years back.

"I'm glad," Rory responded with a genuine smile.

After that, they seemed to drift into an awkward silence and Tristan didn't like it one bit.

"What's with the silence all of a sudden? Considering how open you were just 15 minutes ago, this is quite the opposite!" Tristan didn't want Rory to feel awkward around him like she was in high school. He liked her for opening up to him; to feel like she actually could trust him was a great comfort.

"To be honest with you, I don't really know what to say. I mean, you're right - I poured my heart out back there," Rory muttered truthfully.

"I understand..."

Rory smiled at him and started to walk towards her living room.

"Are you tired of talking?" Rory wondered in serious tone and Tristan shrugged.

"No, I'm here if you want to talk." Tristan grinned and sat down beside her on the couch.

Rory was relieved and touched by Tristan's seriousness. He didn't seem like the high school boy she once knew. He was actually acting like an adult.

"What do you want to talk about?" Tristan asked, he didn't mind listening to her. Everything that concerned her, was comfortable enough for him. He wished they had found their way to each other in the early beginning. If he succeeded with such a small thing, he would have turned out differently. With Rory on his side, almost everything seemed possible. She never lost faith in him no matter how bad he treated her. She still cared for him. It was probably one of the biggest reasons why she meant so much to him.

"I want to talk about you for a change." Rory wouldn't admit she always wanted to know more about Tristan Dugrey. She wanted to know what was hiding behind the facade.

"What do you want to know?" Tristan was shocked by her question. It never appeared to him, that she might want to know more about him.

"Anything you feel comfortable enough to tell me."

"Let's see then. After or before military school?" Tristan wasn't sure which part of him she wanted to know about - or what she wanted to know at all. Nobody wanted to know him, so he never was in this kind of position.

"After, I guess. I don't really know much about you," Rory answered with a curious expression on her face.

"I suffered through the experience of military school for about 5 months. After that, I decided to continue high school there," Tristan started uncomfortably. He wasn't used to talking about his life. It seemed like people always knew everything there was to know or at least, what they wanted to.

"Oh, you didn't want to come back to Chilton?" Rory assumed and pretended she didn't care about the non-return.

Back in high school, she and Paris was friends in the time of need, but also sworn enemies when Paris wanted them to be.

"No, I wasn't the same guy anymore. I changed during military school, I am changed!" Tristan stared into Rory's eyes in search for something to confirm that she believed him.

"I know, I saw it the moment you re-appeared in my life," Rory said with a twinkle in her eyes.

Her blue eyes, the ones Tristan wanted to drown in so many times. The sparkling ocean blue eyes filled with her deepest dreams and secrets.

There wasn't many who noticed his change since his return to the cold house, most people liked to call "home". The house he grew to hate because of its emptiness. It was cold and pale compare to Rory's house. Her house was what it was supposed to look like in a home, full of life and memories, happy ones, too. Not sad, like most of his own was.

"Yes, and it made me happy actually," Rory smiled and Tristan was once again shocked by her words. Rory was aware he didn't think she actually had feelings for him in any form. But she did, he meant a lot to her - the truth was he was her only friend at Chilton at first. He was her bantering partner too. There were quite a few reasons why he was important to her, tonight proved that.

"Why?"

"Because it showed me what I knew all along, that you indeed have a heart somewhere deep down inside of you." Rory relaxed and her head against his shoulder. It should've been an awkward position since he was her sworn enemy once upon a time. But tonight he was her friend - a real one. She wanted the moment to last forever.

"I hate to break this but I've got to go. I'm leaving for North Carolina in the early morning!" Tristan rose and looked into Rory's eyes with apologetic eyes. His eyes confirmed that he didn't want to leave at all.

"You still live there?" Rory felt like whenever something good happened in her life it disappeared before she really had a chance to notice it was there to begin with.

"Yes, I do. I don't want to move back here - it's not home. In fact, North Carolina is the closest I've got to one. I just came here because of a stupid party my parents were holding yesterday. As I am their son, I had to attend. Mostly for the bigger picture of seeming like a true Hartford family, I guess. Not that I truly care anyway. It only means I can stay away longer afterwards." Tristan's voice was now bitter; the story wasn't really for Rory. Telling her was just a way to get it off of his shoulders.

"I'm sorry," Rory felt a huge compassion for her newfound friend, if you could even call them that. Friends weren't what they really were to each other.

"It's okay. I'm a big boy, I can handle it."

Tristan didn't want anybody to feel sorry for him. His life had always been like that. His parents couldn't care less about him. They were never home during his stay in the Dugrey Mansion anyway, which made the leaving from Hartford so much easier. The only one he could count on was himself.

"I know, I just can't imagine living like that." Rory was lucky to have her mom by her side for her whole life. The world Tristan lived was known to be cold and cruel.

Tristan opened the front door and took one last look at the woman whom would always have a special place inside of his heart.

"I'll see you around... Mary," Her nickname slipped out before he had a chance to take it back. But all Rory did was to smile, just like that night so long ago.

And just like that, they were out of each other's lives once again. Without a warning or an admonition they would see each other again. They already knew they wouldn't, if faith wouldn't play tricks on them of course. But only time could decide that and if they were truly meant to be - their paths would cross again.

**THE END**

Please review, feedback is greatly appreciated!


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